Stories

Femme

February 2, 2018

So I’ve made a dick appointment, and he doesn’t like to use condoms.

Tell him he must. Have him purchase some, or you buy them

It’s odd that some women are still uncomfortable with the idea of buying condoms. Maybe it’s related to how we were brought up growing up; that sex was not a topic covered at home, that we had to learn at school or from other walks-of-life. Woman sexuality in some communities is still seen as nonexistence. What, did you think that we got pregnant without being sexual, that we don’t enjoy this act. My mother went on a rant when she discovered my sister’s “toys;” to her, my sister had become a “lesbian,” that her daughter is lost to the world. More cries of “Jesus, save this child” and the most straight face on my part.

At that moment the role was reversed, I became the parent, and my mother became the child. The stubborn Haitian woman, who is set in her ways. “Manmi, you’re being dramatic.No, manmi, she’s not a lesbian, why would that be a problem? She’s young, she’s a woman, and she’s learning about her body. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

There is a fear, humiliation, and anxiety that comes when you pick up that box of condoms and put it in front of the cashier. “Shit, I’m being judged! What if someone I know sees me? Shit, what if my mother/father walks at this exact moment, damn, now the world knows I’m sexually active.” This leaves us with running into a wall just with the thought. The fear that this evokes, we want to be safe, there’s nothing wrong with that, and we should feel ashamed of that.  

 

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